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Men today have grown up in a society full of strong, take charge women—and they love it. Unsplash/Matheus Ferrero
Hey girls, let’s talk.
For over a decade, I’ve had the privilege of playing the role of gay best friend to many intelligent, funny and gorgeous women throughout my career as a practicing homosexual. Gay guys and straight gals have a special bond due to our common interests (e.g. men) and our lack of desire to sleep with one another. On the flip side, gays have a unique relationship with our straight male buddies because we are not in competition with them for you. As a result, straight guys often gab with us about the stuff girls do that cost them a call back. This article may be in violation of bro code, but I’m going to share some intel anyway. Consider yourself warned: gross generalizations will be made.
- Shut The F**k Up Sometimes
Women talk a lot more than men. Science backs it up. According to a University of Maryland study, women utter more words per day—about 20,000 to men’s 7,000. Listen, it’s not your fault you developed language and reading skills faster than us, but if you want a text back after your next date, try listening more and talking less. One time, I ran into one of my girlfriend’s dates, and I asked him why he didn’t text my friend back. He told me my friend was a bad listener, interrupted him a lot and he couldn’t a word in. Yikes! Ask open-ended questions and when all else fails try, “tell me more about that.” It works like a charm.
- Pay Attention To The Details
You might not think guys notice the little things, but most do. He may not know your new nail polish is millennial pink, but he definitely noticed you were overdue for a mani-pedi. I polled a few guys about this and the majority of them said they notice when a woman’s nails are in bad shape. “It looks like she doesn’t take care of herself,” said one guy. “If a girl has ugly feet or chipped nails, it’s a turn off.” Side bar, I asked both of these guys to recall the last time either of them clipped their toenails and neither could.
- Match Your Effort To His
Do women become attached faster than men? Again, science says “yep”—especially after having sex. Apparently, after an orgasm (assuming he can actually give you one), the hormone oxytocin is released in men and women, but ladies get a healthier dose. So, while you’re lying there planning the next date and when you’ll introduce him to your friends, he’s thinking about the leftover pita in the fridge. Playing games is frustrating, but what do you expect from a grown man who still plays video games? Match your effort to his. Call as much as he calls. Text as much as he texts. You shouldn’t be the only one initiating plans or doing all of the communicating.
- Clues He’s Not That Into You
I know guys can send mixed signals sometimes. One second he’s all over you, telling you how beautiful you are, and the next he’s flaking on plans you made weeks ago and doesn’t understand why that upsets you. I can’t explain that, but I can tell you guys do drop very clear hints about how they feel about you—or if they don’t want to see you anymore, but are too chicken to call it off. First, if the relationship is all physical and not emotional, you’re a booty call. He has no desire to date you. If you’re not okay with that, move on. Second, if he can’t make room for you in his day, you’re not a priority. It’s as simple as that. Lastly, if he doesn’t care about your whereabouts or if you’re safe, he doesn’t care about you. Most guys have protective instincts and will exhibit this trait when they’re into you. If you leave his place at 2:00 in the morning, and he doesn’t make sure you have a Lyft waiting (not Uber because he knows they’re sexist AF) and that you get into your bed soundly, block him and delete his number.
- Embrace Being An Independent Woman
It was nearly 18 years ago that Destiny’s Child gave women an anthem about celebrating their independence. Men today have grown up in a society full of strong, take charge women—and they love it. Guys love to post that “what do you want?” scene from The Notebook to make fun of how indecisive women can be, but women today don’t subscribe to patriarchal, submissive crap anymore. “A woman who’s confident and self-assured is sexy and fun to be around,” a friend of mine said. “Whenever I’m with a woman and she doubts herself or can’t make up her mind, it makes me feel like I’m with my little sister.” If you run into a man who doesn’t appreciate your mind or support your ambitions, he’s living in the past and doesn’t belong in your future. Ditch him, or just keep him around as a booty call that you kick out at 2am. The subway runs all night.
Lamar Dawson is a pop culture junkie living in Manhattan. Follow him on Instagramand Facebook.